but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
