We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
