Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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