i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
