im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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