oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
