but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
