She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
