When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
