No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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