I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
a search helicopter?!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
