feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
COCAINE IS GR8
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
