awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
