your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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