i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
