1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
