Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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