omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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