Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
