I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
