The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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