I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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