are you so shy because you have an std?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
