just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You are the jesus of drinking
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
