someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Its about making memories worth repressing
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
