allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
