Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
