Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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