You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need a beard to bite.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
