So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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