He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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