I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
