At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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