i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
