I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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