If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
