You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
