yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
