u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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