last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
