Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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