Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
