Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
