Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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