I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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