She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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