It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
