thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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