Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
