he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
