I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
