He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
