Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
