he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
