It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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