Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
