I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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