I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
