You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
