Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize