The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
