oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
