Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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