he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
