Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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