dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize